In Defense of the Night: An Open Letter to New Orleans Teenagers

In Defense of the Night: An Open Letter to New Orleans Teenagers

Summer curfew went into effect June 3. If you are under the age of seventeen and caught out weeknights after 9pm in Orleans Parish (8pm for the French Quarter), and after 11pm on Friday and Saturday, you will be picked up by NOPD, taken to a homeless shelter known as Covenant House, and have your parents notified.

You yourself, being a mere minor, will only be charged with a “status offense,” but (like the city’s anti-graffiti ordinance that fines property owners for not cleaning tags off their building within a certain period of time) if you are picked up three times in a calendar year, your parents will face a municipal offense. Once indoors you are not to leave until sunrise. Every day, until August 31st.

“…we know that kids are involved in criminal activity,” says Mayor Cantrell’s justice commissioner Tenisha Stevens. “We’re looking at the kids who are at 1, 2 in the morning pulling on door handles and smashing car windows.”

Cantrell herself speaks of the whole thing more in terms of wildlife management. “If we have too many, we have to work towards a release initiative, again, with the juvenile court as well as with the sheriff’s department. And so that’s a transfer policy that we will have to enforce as well.”

In short, these politicians are telling you that you’re not real people. That you count only insofar as you aid (or do not impede) the forward march of progress and become future wage earners and upstanding citizens. That you are incapable of mature decision-making and that your urges as free, exploratory individuals are a liability. That the body you inhabit, as it were, makes you unfit to govern yourself. That you must be told what to do.

But you know better, don’t you?

You know in your heart and in your brain why they say this. You know why they criminalize you and why this has been done to you for generations.

They’re afraid. They’re afraid because you represent to them something they have lost long ago. Something for which they must create monstrosities — security cameras, fences, police patrols, prisons, enforcement, enforcement, enforcement — to try to tame away.

You, my friends, are free. Your blood burns, feeling the almost overwhelming possibilities stretching before you and knowing, secretly, none of this was made for you. If only you could find your place! If only you could leave your mark! If only you could play without the watchful eyes of authority figures roving over you every minute! Always emanating that silent envy that masks itself behind concern and suspicion.

Can you feel the clock ticking away? The clock that tells you when to wake and when to sleep and for how long until the day when you — subservient, second-class teenager — can go where you wanna go and do what you wanna do…The clock whose ticking tells you “not yet”…”go home”… “one day”… ”submit”…

But now, in this summer heat, your senses beckon. Eyes that wish to see the city late at night—wide open, unpopulated. Ears that wish to hear your own steps echo, ricocheting off the shuttered shop windows, no longer there to sell you anything, no longer bombarded by tourists vying for pictures and trinkets. (Are their “public safety” decrees for you…or for them?)

The chance to create your own deviations and adventures awaits.

Teenagers of New Orleans: These streets belong to you. And no police officer or puny government official has any business telling you otherwise.

Your freedom of movement at any hour is sacred — and your birthright.

Reclaim your streets. Reclaim your city.

STORY TIME: NOLA BACHELORETTE PARTY CRASHED BY DEAD BODY IN AIRBNB

STORY TIME: NOLA BACHELORETTE PARTY CRASHED BY DEAD BODY IN AIRBNB

Dilly Dilly, dear reader!  Our special guest correspondent, AirBnBecky from Oklahoma, has generously graced Gnarlinz with not only her wonderful Bachelorette Party but also a special #OneTimeInNOLA reportback on the New Orleans short-term-rental scene. Take it away, gurrrrl!!!

I love bachelorette parties so much! Mimosas, phallic-themed decor, Beyonce songs… dead bodies… what’s not to love?!

Oh, yep, sorry… the um, dead body thing? Not part of your typical bachelorette party, apparently. But for ours, it was the culmination of a series of unfortunate events. Turns out, spending St. Patrick’s Day weekend in New Orleans didn’t bring everyone the luck of the Irish we’d hoped for.

Forewarning, this blog is going to be pretty long, without many pictures, but ya know, there’s a dead body so stay tuned.

Read more

WEB EXCLUSIVE: Council of the Underground Parades

WEB EXCLUSIVE: Council of the Underground Parades

The Shotgun is thrilled to present an exclusive and entirely real roundtable with honored representatives from Eris, Witches and Heiress, three of downtown’s most notorious underground parades. Eris has been around since 2005, with Witches coalescing in 2012 and Heiress forming in 2013 in the wake of (and partly in reaction to) the 2011 NOPD assault on Eris. We spoke to these anonymous spokesfolx about how their no-throwing bullshit parades have been adapting to the changing landscape of New Orleans.

 



SHOTGUN: Can you start us off by describing your 2019 theme?

ERIS: Our theme for the year is “The Triumph of Safety.” It’s what we spend the bulk of our meetings obsessing neurotically over, and of course Eris is the Goddess of playing it safe.

That said, there were some within Eris who felt “The Splendor of Silent Respect” was an important theme, and since we’re all pathologically conflict-averse we did our best to accommodate that by folding these themes into one another, like a beautiful lacework polyhedron woven by iridescent caterpillars wearing tiny flower crowns.

Read more